Being the Second Choice... Every Time

Second place... some consider it great. It's a silver medal. To many racers (and I'm sure others), second place is just the first loser. I had a best friend in high school who always got what I wanted. She got the guys first. I only got them after she told them no. She got my musical part. I only got it after she quit. She was always better than me. I loved her to death, but I hated always coming in second. It drove me nuts. I kept quiet about it until recently. I finally let loose about it to one of my very good friends who now can't stand her anymore than I can.

Then I went to college, I got into a great relationship. Well, most of it was great. The downside was his best friend. She always came before me. She was always more important. Her freaky obsession was perfectly ok. It drove a wedge between us, and eventually it broke us up. I couldn't even be first in my own relationship. Again, I hated it and went nutty about it.

Never again will I let myself be second. Sometimes, I have to be more important. I need to win. I don't need to be focused on who's better than me. That's a bunch of crap. It's not happening anymore. Can you say radical self love?

Home: Sometimes it's where you belong

If you don't know me, some background information might help you out for this one. I was born and raised in Marion/Johnston City. I've always lived here. I wanted out though so I went to school at Southeast Missouri State University. It's about 60 miles from home so it's far enough to make me live on compus and live my own life, but it's also close enough for me to come home whenever I want. Thank goodness for that. I lived on campus for the fall semester and the first month and a half of second semester. Then, I came home for the last weekend of February and had a blast. This was a huge contrast from school where I sat in my room alone trying to get people to want to do stuff. It never worked. I was by myself all the time (unless I was in class) and I hated it. The people who were supposed to be my friends pretty much failed miserably at that. So after a lot of crying, screaming, and thinking, I decided to be a commuter. Lucky for me, I only have class three days a week. Unlucky for me, I have a class at 8am and have to leave by 6:15 to make it down there on time. Have I ever mentioned that I'm not a morning person? I want to smack myself every time I get in the car to drive down there, but it's definitely worth it. I get to be home with my family and spend time with my friends who I love to pieces! This is where I belong, and I'm so glad I'm back!

Weather and Mood

Note: This was originally written on March 8th. I'm working on getting caught up on everything and writing more soon. It's a work in progress.

I've decided that my mood is totally based on the weather. This winter has been so dark, cold, and wet. I haven't exactly been in the greatest of moods. Walking outside bundled up with an umbrella over my head trying to block the wind and rain while sniffling from the cold isn't what I call fun. I try to stay inside when the weather is yucky, but then I get mad because I'm stuck inside.

Yesterday, the weather was gorgeous! It was almost 70 degrees and sunny. It was so wonderful! I sat outside by a tree for a couple of hours. I loved it! Yesterday was fantastic!

Evidently it rained last night. It's dark and cloudy again just like it has been all winter. Grrrrr! I hate weather like this. I haven't been in a good mood today just because of the weather.

Therefore, my mood is based on the weather and it needs to be nice outside again.

Another note: The weather has gotten a lot better since then. I love it!