My Pursuit of Happiness

Hello friends. I want to start out by thanking those of you who read my last post. I know it was pretty intense, but I really felt that I needed to share it with people. This has been a very stressful time in my life and I really appreciate those of you who kept me in your thoughts. I am very lucky to have friends who truly care about me and want me to get better, and that is exactly what I plan on doing.

I talked about depression in my last post. I gave you all my version of it and talked about how I was feeling it again. I went to the psychiatrist Wednesday in hopes of getting some help. The woman was really nice and asked me a lot of questions (some of which had nothing to do with the subject). I was pretty cranky after waiting for well over an hour for a 30 minute appointment, but I managed to remain pleasant through all the goofy questions. (ex. Why are you here? Um... did you not read the paperwork I just spent half an hour filling out?) Anyways, we got everything figured out, and I'm on the road to recovery.

I'm taking advantage of the situation as a sort of reinvention for myself. Depression has taken hold of me and sucked the life out of me. When I look in the mirror, I don't recognize myself. I don't like the person I've become so I'm doing something about it. I'm going to be the person I want to be when I overcome this obstacle. I have spent enough time looking at depression as something bad. I know I don't like it. We all know that. I have to look at it as an opportunity to improve myself and finally be happy. It won't happen overnight. It won't happen next week. I don't know how long it will take, but I am ready for it to happen.

As for now, I'm still getting adjusted to things. I've been sick for the last few days so things aren't perfect yet, but that's ok. I'm really trying to stay positive about life right now. I know I don't have a bad life. I'm not saying that. It's just been hard lately. But everybody has times like this. Everybody has those days when they want to throw in the towel and go back to bed. We can't focus on those days. We have to focus on the positive. It's not realistic to say I'm never going to have a bad day or complain about anything, but I really want to get better about it. I don't like myself right now so I'm going to do something about it.

Again, I really appreciate those of you who have read my posts, given me some fantastic advice, kept me in their thoughts, or even just listened. I have some wonderful people who have stood by me through everything, and I don't know where I would be without them. I'm fixing some relationships with some really great people too. Things are finally starting to look up. :-)

For now, I'm super tired. Sleep hasn't come easily lately and I only got a few hours of it last night (race cars take a lot of work). I've also been getting over being sick so I'm going to sign off for now. Thanks for reading. Love you all. :-)